Dear Mero,

My boyfriend is addicted to video games. I mean like not the occasional “hey I’m about to hop online real quick” addicted, I’m talking like he turns down morning sex to play gears of war. I don’t want to be annoying because as much as I hate XBOX live I still want him to have some sort of fun but something has got to give. Its to the point where he lies and says he’s going to sleep then miraculously ends up online an hour later. I know that video games are essential to a man’s existence but I don’t want to turn into psycho girlfriend and smash his x box. I know its not me because we have bomb sex so it irks me that skyrim is more important than chopping me down. What do I do and/or how do I justify his excessive video game playing?

Thanks so much,

MJ



YO MA, FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE I ONLY TURN DOWN BOX FOR VIDEO GAMES WHEN I HAVE A SURPLUS OF PUSSY B. LIKE IF MY PHONE IS EXPLODING WITH SEXTS THATS WHEN I BE LIKE “NAH YOU NEED TO CHILL MA I GOTTA FINISH THIS MISSION”

UNLESS THIS NIGGA IS FUCKIN OD BITCHES ON SOME PRIVATE PUSSY BROWSING SHIT YOU NEED TO DO SOME WILD SHIT TO GET HIS ATTENTION BACK. HERE’S SOME SUGGESTIONS


LET HIM HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER: YO OF ALL THE MOMENTS NIGGAS NEVER FORGET IN LIFE THEY DONT FORGET A BITCH TELLIN THEM TO TAKE THE BATIHOLE B. IF YOU TELL YOUR MAN TO HIT THE PB HE WILL STOP PLAYIN ASSASSINS CREED LIKE A LIL GOTHIC MEDIEVAL HOMO AND START LAYIN DOWN PIPE WITH MORE FREQUENCY B. WATCH A P-NO AND IMITATE WHAT THEY SAY B. OR HIT UP MY HOMEGIRL @KRISTINAROSEXXX AND ASK HER WHAT SHE SAYS IN HER EROTICAL FILM ROLES B. IT’S PROLLY SOMETHIN LIKE “OH YEAH, FUCK MY FUCKING ASS BABY”…NAHMEAN ONCE YOU EQUIPPED WITH THE LINE YOU GONNA USE YOU GOTTA DEPLOY THAT SHIT AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES OF VAGINAL POUNDING B.


FIND OUT IF HE HAS SOME TYPE OF FETISH SHIT: YO IF THAT NIGGA IS INTO FEET, GET A PEDICURE OR SOME SHIT B, YOU FEEL ME? GIVE THE NIGGA A LIL FJ OR SOME SHIT. IF THE NIGGA IS INTO ASSES OIL THAT SHIT UP AND DO SOME SHIT LIKE THIS. IF THE NIGGA IS INTO NIPPLE TORTURE AND PEEPEE THEN YOU NEED TO GO ON MATCH DOT FUCKIN COM AND GET THAT NIGGA THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B CUZ NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE’S GONNA SHOW YOU THIS SHIT AND TRY TO MAKE YOU THINK SHIT IS ALL GOOD.


OD TOPPINGTON: GIVE THIS NIGGA TOP MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY AND THEN JUST DO THE FAT GIRL TRICKERY THAT FAT BITCHES DO WHERE THEY TOPPIN YOU OFF AND WAIT TILL YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK THEN THEY JUST SIT THEY BIG ASS MUSTY PUNANI ON A NIGGA PP ON SOME DECEITFUL SHIT. HE MIGHT LIKE IT OR HE MIGHT BE FEEL BETRAYED AND USED B. EITHERWAY IT DON’T MATTER CUZ THE NIGGA AIN’T PLAYIN DOMINATION SCREAMING AT 12 YEAR OLD IOWANS LIKE “THEY’RE TAKING FUCKING B DUDE!! FUCKING B!! I’M DEFENDING C DUDE GO FUCKING DEFEND B DUDE!! FUCK!! FUCKING VIRGIN!!…BABE CAN YOU GRAB ME A CAPRI SUN?”


YO THAT’S ABOUT IT B. IF THAT DON’T WORK THEN YOU FAT OR THE NIGGA HAS HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU CUZ SEX IS LIKE 50873 SPOTS AHEAD OF HEXIC ON MY “SHIT I LIKE TO DO” LIST B.


AS FAR AS JUSTIFYING IT B IT AIN’T REALLY NO JUSTIFICATION FOR CHOOSIN VIDEO GAMES OVER PIPIN YOUR GIRL. THERE IS HOWEVER JUSTIFICATION FOR DOING THAT SHIT AS OPPOSED TO WATCHIN A FUCKIN PRIME TIME DRAMA SERIES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND SHIT THAT HAS NO NUDITY OR DRUGS OR VIOLENCE. SO IF “CHOPPIN YOU DOWN” IS GIRL JARGON CODE FOR JERKIN THE NIGGA OFF DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS WHILE Y’ALL WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY THEN YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT MA. LETS BE HONEST RIGHT NOW NIGGAS NEED TIME TO DECOMPRESS AND WE DO IT DIFFERENTLY THAN Y’ALL. MY WIFE WILL GO DRINK WINE WITH HER HOMEGIRLS AND MAKE SOME DISGUSTING EXOTIC WHITE PEOPLE DREAM DISH, I ON THE OTHER HAND DECOMPRESS BY DOING EYEBALL EXPLODING BONG RIPS IN BETWEEN BLUNTS AND PLAYING GAMES THAT INVOLVE DIGITALLY KILLING NIGGAS AND YELLING PROFANITY AT CAUCASIAN TWEENS IN THE FLYOVER STATES ONLINE.

THAT’S ALL THE #KNOWLEDGEDARTS I GOT FOR YOU MA I’M OUT. I’M WATCHING TROY RIGHT NOW ALSO I’M EATING VALIUMS & DRINKING GEORGI CUZ I AIN’T GOT NO WEED AND IT’S THE SCENE WHERE BRAD PITT FIGHTS THE OTHER NIGGA AND MAYBE I’M WILD DRUNK RIGHT NOW BUT I’M BOUT TO GO TO THE BODEGA AND CHALLENGE AHMED TO A SWORD/SPEAR FIGHT AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE. 

I LOVE ALL Y’ALL HOLLA AT ME. CALL ME ATRILLES.

(Source: victory-light.blogspot.com)